“Immodest and attractive is easy. Modest and repulsive is easy too.
But modest and attractive is an art form.”

― Douglas Wilson5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating Style

Modesty is such a needed quality in the world today, as immodesty sure does cause a lot of uproars and grief at times. Modesty is simply the quality of being confident in who you are, but not flaunting it in prideful or sensual ways. Many people think of modesty more in terms of how one dresses and acts, but it goes beyond that as well.

To be modest means to respect yourself and those around you.  It does not mean that you have to be a doormat for others or feel like you have to act a certain way in order to be accepted.  The way you dress may be one way to recognize if you are modest or not.  Do you wear clothes that would cause others to raise their eyebrows because they view them as being too revealing?  Do they cover their child’s eyes when you walk by?  You can dress sexy and be modest at the same time, but there are those that go outside of those limits.

If you want to lead a modest life, there are certain things that you can do in order to do so:

  1. Limit self-talk.  If you go around talking about yourself all day, every day, you are not really displaying modesty. Haven’t you ever met certain people, had a conversation with them, and couldn’t get one single word in? All they did was go on and on about themselves!  Isn’t it annoying?  They are not being modest, so be sure that you check yourself daily while you are conversing with people. Are you boasting, bragging, and hogging the conversation or are you allowing modesty to be your goal?
  2. Dress modestly.  You may already dress modestly, but if you are not sure if you do or not, you can always ask your friends or co-workers for their honest opinion. If someone reveals to you that you do not always dress modestly or that you try too hard to gain attention from your clothes, take that into consideration and change up your wardrobe.
  3. Put others before you.  A great way to live a modest life is to put others before you. Be a good listener while having a conversation.  As you listen, really hear what is being said instead of automatically thinking about what you want to say when they are done. Be empathetic as you put others first.  The ability to compliment others, put them first, and allow them to be who they are allows you to live a modest life.
  4. Walk in humility.  To be humble is to not think too highly of yourself.  Yes, you are precious, but if you think you are better than others that is pride surfacing.  Purpose in your heart to walk in humility and see everyone as equal no matter what.

If you have not been living a modest life, perhaps it is time to change it up.  You will find leading a modest life feels more fulfilling and peaceful and that will feel amazing!




Lisa Cypers Kamen Headshot 2014 Internationally recognized Positive Psychology Coach Lisa Cypers Kamen is the Founder of, Director of 501 (C)(3) nonprofit Harvesting Happiness for Heroes (, and Host of weekly Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio.

Currently living in Los Angeles, California, Lisa Cypers Kamen is the mother of two active children. She is philanthropically dedicated to the success of various charities related to children and military issues.


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